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Saturday, March 19, 2011

"Green Fields, White Mountains."

Theo Nelson

Whimsy and Colour

39 comments:

Anonymous said...: "SOMEBODY HAS BEEN DIGGING THROUGH MY TRASH CANS!"

PETER MAX
WORLD FAMOUS ARTIST; 3:00 PM
Anonymous said...: "NO, its a film cell from the animated Beatle's film YELLOW SUBMARINE. Its a field in PEPPERLAND! He could of at least swiped one with an APPLE BONKER, GLOVE or a BLUE MEANIE!"

TRACY BENTLEY
3219 Carden Drive
Cols. Ga. 31907-2143; 5:13 PM
Anonymous said...: "One time I had a purple NOW OR LATER candy and some SHAMROCK COOKIES in my book bag. I left them there several months. They got all over my spiral homework notebook creating an image like this."

Chun Lee
132 FONG CHOW DUPLEX
BANGKOK, Oaklahoma.
67456; 8:39 PM
theo said...: Bwaaahahaha...
...You’ll only get my crayons when you pry them from my cold dead hands!
Okay, the cookie one made me hungry. Time for breakfast.; 6:57 AM
Anonymous said...: "I have to provoke GOONS & GOONETTES otherwise you all are too lazy to intellectually participate in Ross' BENTSPOON."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
3219 CARDEN DRIVE
COSCUMBUS GEORGIA 31907-2143; 3:33 PM
theo said...: Wait a minute, Truman. You’re saying you pretend to be other people in these posts? So it really didn’t happen? So lunch really doesn’t imitate art? Sniff…

… and here I was all prepared to launch the OFFICIAL Goons & Goonettes 4 Dummies website. Sigh.; 6:06 PM
Anonymous said...: "DU BIST DOOF! In German class one year my new teacher assigned me the name THEO because she thought is was the closest thing to TRUMAN. How can THEODORE have any similarity to TRUMAN. Huh Ross?"

Theo you should launch a GOONS & GOONETTES blog. Then all the SO-CALLED artists would feel at home.
I did like your commentary. I try to avoid all existing social references to all popular intellectual media. Elvis sang alone. I don't like Elvis or anything he did. I do think his daughter twin clone of him was a hilarious example of art imitating art. And Priscilla looks like an old rotten bottle of perfume on the dresser at your great grandmother's house. How did I get to this point. Why? Maybe it was because when I bought a box of fried chicken today they had yankee cold cuts HOAGIE sandwiches displayed in the show case and I felt queezy(queasy) looking at them. I AM THE ONLY ARTIST WHO EVER MATTER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
SON OF THE MORNING
LUCIFER THE LIGHT BEARER

I purposely made this response flakey.; 11:48 AM
Anonymous said...: "I meant to say MATTERED. My computer screen is hard to see when proof reading."

LINGUISTICS EXPERT

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.; 4:52 PM
theo said...: Sure kid. Just back away from the crayon and nobody will get hurt. We can all have a cookie later.

theo - quite certain to never be confused with Truman
and
margin doodler to the Gods.; 11:36 AM
Anonymous said...: "Theo I got your card today. You spent over a dollar to send it to me from canada. I'm at least worth a dollar to you. YOU SPENT A DOLLAR AND ADDRESSED A PIECE OF YOUR ART WORK TO ME. I sent it to Ross for his archives with a pile of other GOON & GOONETTE mail I got today. I used to burn mail art on the patio grill to melt pewter down to cast into a mold to make witch figurines. Now I send it all to either Ross or The Kosharek Galleries in Florida. Remember. I have magick power. If a person thinks pleasantly of me they get greatly rewarded by the universe. All detractors get black clouds. It is strange. I think it is funny. Just ask Ross how great his days have been since he has begrudging-ly become a fan. Like SQUIDWORD he won't admit it but by treating anything to do with me in a positive light all of his enemies crumbled, his utility bills decreased, his health and mood has improved and he has had GREAT LUCK and FORTUITOUS EVENTS in the last two weeks alone. If I could choose wealth or fame or my MAGICK POWER to beset detractors I think I would keep the power to cause detractors to falter. Just ask Ross. He's scoring with chicks BIG TIME and he has gained materially as well.

MAGUS OF EARTH
TIME AND SPACE

LORD GOD
SATAN LUCIFER
THE MOST EXALTED HIGH GOD
MOST EXCELLENT WORTHY SIR
TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
3219 CARDEN DRIVE
COSCUMBUS GEORGIA 31907-2143
U.S.A.; 4:38 PM
Anonymous said...: "The famous improvisational jazz musician is called THELONEOUS MONK. You should call yourself THEOLONIOUS WATER COLOURS".

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.; 4:40 PM
drosspriddle said...: It is kind of true about my luck changing, I have to admit, but it's probably just coincidence... no?; 5:25 PM
Anonymous said...: "Ross. There is no such thing as COINCIDENCE. Just cause and effect. Magick is like MOJO. You are either the greatest lover or you are not. The proof is in the results. Magick is in perceptions. It is either perceived or not. As long as Ross promotes everything regarding TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. things shall work out perfectly for him. The minute he stops UNCLE ARTHUR and ENDORA(the unseen ethereal forces of Pan and Hecate)SHALL treat him like Darrin Stephens. MAGICK IS. It is heat and cold. Liquid and solid. Light and darkness."

Giles Cory
Danvers Village Resident
Christ Church Cemetary
Salem, Mass. U.S.A.; 5:38 PM
Anonymous said...: "The scary thing about TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. is he IS REAL. He thinks, and he has MAGICK."

The Apple Core Collector
Holly Hobie Lunch Box Ln.
Rt.#1978, Scrapped Chin,
Florida, 82373; 5:43 PM
theo said...: I’m glad to hear the postal system has once again succeeded in its duly appointed task.

I’m also glad to hear your luck is on the upswing, Ross.

Hmmm… good luck you say. Hmmm… think good thoughts about Truman. You know, it’s been a while since I had the scratch to power chug magnums of Dom Pérignon with PopRocks. Not that I ever had an abuse problem with that particular taste of mine of course. Sure, Ross did happen to find me living in a shelter made of Dom Pérignon boxes and Pop Rocks wrappers some years ago but as I said at the time, I was merely engaging in a social anthropology study. Sheer coincidence as it were.

Where was I? Ah yes, Truman. Thinking good thoughts. Definitely.

theo
Never “Thelonious Water Colours”. Much too formal you know.; 9:58 PM
Anonymous said...: Yeah! Now that is art! Theo is getting on THE TEAM! He is becoming one with our CONSCIOUSNESS! We are going to give EST and SCIENTOLOGY a run for their money! We shall even surpass THE PROCESS CHURCH OF FINAL JUDGEMENT! Look how many words Theo gave the blog! I told you Ross you have to initiate conversation otherwise the world is a cafeteria of oatmeal bowls and PROLE SILENCE! Theo should have sewn the POP ROCK packets into fashion wallets and lunch tote style hand bags. I order Theo to cut out post card size squares of water colour paper. If too expensive go to the college art department dressed poor and plead the art department instructors and they'll lay some old student last semester locker clean out left overs on you. Then you are in business! Start painting scenes of the city SCHICKLEGRUBER STYLE and sell them off to chic' galleries. Don't worry. As long as you don't take over Europe the system shall praise whatever you do. Why not create melting wax impressionistic realist semi cartoon people and animals Al Blaster style. Or perhaps do it straight so old ladies shall hang them in sets of three in their living rooms and entrance halls. Google prince charles water colours for some rudimentary landscape ideas. Better yet RICHARD WAWRO. Now you are a TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. FAN you should post a catchy glib comment several times a day. Watch that scene from TO SIR WITH LOVE where SYDNEY PORTRAIT irons and starches all his dress shirts. Starching shirts is fun and wearing button up ironed shirts you can be JOHN STEED. Maybe you'll qualify for a RED CARD. Start watching THE AVENGERS. There is a lot to be said about EMMA PEEL. You are doing good. Just fall in line and EMBRACE THE CULT! Ross has. He even went outside behind the bush and cut his toenails in the back yard. No more grotty stray clippings around the base boards and landing on shelves. He also took the SHOP VAC and cleaned his pad better than JERRY SEINFELD! Ross is becoming a CHICK MAGNET! If you truly lived in a box why not buy a miter saw. Its summer coming. Build a light weight insulated GYPSY caravan style hut and put it on a lawn trailer. Rent a spot somewhere cheap with water and electricity. Neatly cut up fork lift pallets to prepare your wood stove for next winter. Save that rent and live in the caravan. Ice fish. Live Yukon style. Be a real artist. Send all of your spare cash to Ross. He'll convert it to dollars. He'll send me a tithe and use the rest to run our TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. PRABUHPADA ENLIGHTENMENT CENTER in canada. Ross is the ASHRAM CHIEF! Now get to work Theo. Stand on the corner in a bed sheet and sell that tamborine full of water colour post cards! YOU ARE SSSSAVED!

GURU TRUMAN; 4:53 AM
drosspriddle said...: Truman, it's still winter here, it's still snowing! Theo lives here in Calgary. I live in an apartment, up on the 3rd floor, but yeah I manage to keep track of my nail clippings... I drop them in the toilet bowl where they arrange themselves in lines... what's with that?; 11:10 AM
Anonymous said...: "Ross if you live on the third floor start gathering green garden hoses. Screw them together and then tie a couple of knots at the connections in case the metal screw parts pull out. Have them the length from the third floor window or balcony to the ground. Keep the hose wound up near the window or on the balcony. Also a pair of cotton gardening gloves. Then if ever a fire put the gloves on your hands and you can use the hose like a BAT POLE to get to the ground. If no gloves use socks on hands. Every time I turn on the news it is always yankees burning up in apartments on the THIRD FLOOR. The first floor people get raped and robbed. People over the parking garage get carbon monoxided if someone forgets their car is still running(Second floor). Second floor also break their legs jumping from fires. Fire trucks/hydrants are frozen in yankee land. In summer kids run the pressure out playing in them so firemen can't do much."

SMOKEY THE BEAR; 12:54 PM
Anonymous said...: "In 1977 my friend Danny came over. We were best friends. Once in a while being bigger he would try to bully me and rough me up. Only once in a blue moon though. I couldn't let it go. He often carried a big bottle of soda and almost half of a chocolate cake he swiped from his grandmother's kitchen. I made him eat it all before he could come in the house lest he dribble chocolate and crumbs on the furniture and floors. He also wore shorts and t-shirts. The mosquitoes would also attack him as he sat on the porch. That was part of my plan. One day I had clipped my finger nails. I always trim off the white edge. I played guitar. Plus it was a SIGN OF BEING JUST PLAIN BETTER. This time I saved the clippings in a little pile. Georgia summers are hot. Later Danny asked for some COKE. I put the ice cubes in the glass. Sprinkled on the nail clippings which stuck to the cubes. Then I poured the COKE in the glass. He drank the entire glass. Then ate the cubes. I kept laughing. Finally I told him what I did. He did't care. The COKE was good and he didn't believe really that I had done that. He did say he FELT SOMETHING SCRATCHY in his throat. That is the closet I have ever come to being a poisoner. It is such a weak female act putting something in a drink. I never put something in a drink again. I would have preferred him to have started spitting out the nail clippings enraged chasing me mad, him about to cry. It just reinforced what a CRETIN and a HOG he was and his big SCHWARZENEGGER family, because the COKE had been a thirst quencher and he enjoyed crunching all the ice so he just kept watching the TV show not believing me because no nails were stuck as evidence in the glass. I was sort of like SQUIDWORD just thinking SPONGEBOB was just more trash than he already thought he was. I also despised his grandfather Laney and his grandmother's lover HOWARD CORBETT as they sat with TV trays on their laps in recliners as they would give a Hitler salute as I walked by and shout HEIL BRACY!, making fun of both my braces and nickname TRACY. I was like RAHLOW walking through FRED SANFORD'S living room. Danny married a small girl and had a son with a weak heart requiring surgery. I married an Irish-German girl and I have a Fight Cluber for a son. It is strange how genetics work out in the end. Now I am big and strong and Danny is fat and out of shape in mediocre health."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. IS LORD!
THE GOD OF ALL ART!
PRAISE BE HIS NAME ONLY!; 4:02 PM
theo said...: jesus fucking Murphy. I go away for a day for a bit of quiet tequila imbibing and I come back to this thread and find Truman has gone full metal amphetamine wordsmithing. It took me half an hour to scroll to the bottom this thread. I’m going back to drinking. Ross, did Truman say something useful? You know, like secrets to magi or how to have wild sex six times a day with uninhibited Mensa acolytes? Because if he did I couldn’t read it and I’m too old for that shit anyway. Hey, you got any liquor lying around your place?; 8:56 PM
drosspriddle said...: don't worry, you didn't miss nothing... I read these just to make sure he's not saying anything too horrific...

yeah, I got a few beer... some kinda tasty organic IPA in fact.; 10:11 PM
Anonymous said...: "I'm like Alex in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. I go to sleep and wake up and find my DRROOGS been talkin' bad about me. Welly welly well me brothuhs don't yuh know all that liquor drankin' uh'll turn yuh into uh rotten stinking trunk uh chip oil! Oh I forgot alcohol is like those lighter fluid hand warmers. Its necesssary in canada to keep from freezin. Hey its warming up. You goons need to get those gypsy caravans built so you can rent a $10 a week sewage, electric and water hook up at the state park camp ground. Have that big yard sale. Keep only your tamborine and bed sheet. Just like SISTER MARY you are converting to the cult. Ask Thompson about her. She's our Latin translator expert and she is developing our catachism. I'm letting Thompson refine the LOGIC of The Newsletter. This way I can sit in my PRABUPADHA GRAND POOBAH CHAIR and proclaim my mandates. We are building a TRUE MAN ART CULT! Once in world power Truman shall make art what its meant to be. He'll instantly judge a piece of art. Poetry, paintings, sculpture, etc. if it is defective in a NON STYLISH WAY it shall be ground up in the chipper to make fast food drive thru window drink cup holders. Airline barf bags. Medical waste bags to place in incinerators. Mixed with glue to make particle board. And vacuum molded to make FRANZ RICHTER style BOWLER HATS. We are building the CULT OF ART every day and we are going to OSTRACIZE all who create non create. Let me say that again OSTRACIZE ALL WHO CREATE NON CREATE. That means if you are STALE and can't DANCE, let me say that again, CAINT DANCE, then you are not going to be allowed to be a part of the PARTY. Like the LITTLE MATCH GIRL you'll have to stand in the flower bed outside the window in the snow holding your five matches and look at the EMMA PEEL and JOHN STEED rrrrrrich REAL ARTIST PEOPLE inside along with the ICED POTATO SALAD, HAM, COUNTRY HAM, DRESSING AND TURKEY. Freezing in the snow you can make your last read request be to hear TO BUILD A FIRE by JACK LONDON. TRUMAN BENTLEY JR. is a real ART MOVEMENT and if he bestows a STAR STICKER by your name on the chart then you can be a part! Remember what Ross said, IF YOU BOW LONG ENOUGH TRUMAN SHALL BESTOW ALMS, CHEAP TRINKETS, BOBBLES AND PRIZES YOUR WAY. Think about it. Are there any others in your so called enterage' who do anything but use and abuse you and freeload off your food stamp feast partys? Dump those bums. They ain't nothing but ART HOGS. They aren't even talented. They just want to SEW UP THE SCENE. The REVOLUTION IS HERE BAY-BUH! AND THE CANVASSES ARE BEING PILED UP FOR THE TRASH TRUCK! No more dylan no more STALE! All you have to do to be a part of the CULT is listen to THE SADHI as they SPEAK the immortal words of GURU THOMPSON. Look in the mirror often and hear your FACE talking to you. Can you hear it? It says SAME AS IT NEVER WAS. SAME AS IT NEVER WAS! Worship the Lord and Saviour of all ART! OUR MOST EXALTED AND HONORABLE SIR!
HIS MAGESTY!
TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.

Send him money and postage stamps
TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
3219 CARDEN DRIVE
COSCUMBUS GEORGIA 31907-2143 U.S.A.

It takes dollars for printing and postage stamps to spread the PROPAGANDA your way!; 7:04 AM
Anonymous said...: "It is good. You guys collaborate on TRUMAN CANADA. Thompson, Sister Mary, "C" and CORN FLAKE GIRL are working strong building the cult in Tampa. Ex-Scientologists-Mensa expatriots,Eckenkarters, Bingshassi-Venda-Hahtus as well are now worshipping Truman as LORD OF ART! I'll keep The Newsletters flowing and Truman photographs to Ross so you guys can pick out an image to get Truman's picture tah-tooled on your chests. Goons you have lived your entire lives. TRUE HAPPINESS IS HERE IN THE HOLY WORSHIP OF THE LORD AND SAVIOUR OF ART TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.! Remember the quote from Mink Stole as she bowed before Queen Carlotta in the John Waters film, "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE BEAUTY OF TRUMANISM!" So REJOICE! DEDICATE YOURSELF TO THE SAVIOR OF ART! OUR LORD GOD!
HIS MAGESTY!
TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.!

Send dollars and postage stamps for a flow of literature! To:
TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
3219 CARDEN DRIVE
COSCUMBUS GEORGIA 31907-2143 U.S.A.; 7:17 AM
Anonymous said...: "TRUMAN IS LOVE! LOVE HIM!

LADYS OF
THE CULT OF TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.!; 11:20 AM
theo said...: Holy Truman!
Sweet Mother of Truman!
Truman Motherfucking Son of Truman!
Truman!
My Truman!!

Hmmm. I must say, taking your Grand Holiness’ name in vain lacks a certain something in the invective department. However, I suppose it could grow on one’s self over time.

The LORD OF ART thing has me a little concerned as well as it makes me think of LORD OF DANCE. Dancing is a wonderful thing but I have two feet and they are welded together. Hopping is not terribly dignified and I would not want to create an undignified motion regarding LORD OF ART. How about I am designated the official souse? I can do that. I can do that very well. I am going to go now and do terrible things to Apple computers. Truman forgive me.; 12:43 PM
Anonymous said...: Don't drink your rum too fast alcoholics, you'll get a brain freeze.

The mystery girl; 1:51 PM
Anonymous said...: If your feet are welded together into flippuhs then you can swim across the river at Niagra and deliver the mail art posters in your teeth

Buck Fluxus; 4:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Ross, tutor, mentor new "Cult Member Theo."

Vic Tayback
Deceased Actor Extraordinaire; 4:07 PM
theo said...: Nononononono! Good rum is to be sipped neatly. Brain freezes are impossible thusly. I am going to continue ending my sentences nicely. Now is the time for all good people to be artly. I will now finish off badly.; 4:40 PM
drosspriddle said...: "opposition is true friendship"; 4:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Don THE HOSE OF BETTY AND GLIDE SHIMMY!

Cats Malone from BIBB CITY; 5:34 PM
Anonymous said...: "Its 1978 and my braces have strawberry tooth beef. After drinking red cool aid with a meal the tooth flickins's have puh spit little crumbs of strawberry tooth beef."

Truman in Art wig out psychic trauma.; 1:59 AM
Anonymous said...: Art can wig out time and space. It can distort reality

YTUMAN

I mean truman

I'm trying to spell; 2:00 AM
Anonymous said...: Ross I'm trippin' on straight reality. Thought too much art thought.

Truman; 2:01 AM
Anonymous said...: Theo your water colour has good balance. Try to do as many a day as you can. They are really good. You really know what you are doing. That's real good.

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.; 2:31 AM
Anonymous said...: "After two weeks of looking at this image I now say IT IS GOOD."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.; 3:34 PM
theo said...: Yay! Vindication of my existence. I am so happy. Sniff. Thank you blessed Truman.

Is the thread that never ends like at PZ Myers place? Because if it is, I have to get more gin...
...and martini glasses...
...and cranberry juice...
...and some bitters...
...and lemons...
...and most importantly...
...anchovy stuffed olives.
Not that the stuffed olives go into the drink. I’m just really fond of eating them.; 7:52 PM
Anonymous said...: "There was a dirt bag schmuck who licked every kerouac cover and named checked the skid stains in his underwear. He played with olives and martini glasses. Wrote dumb poems and songs about them. Played with cherries and napkins and the little plastic swords that the olives in the drink went on. He would have died if he had to drink alone from a paper cup or cup where no eyes could see his costume drink fetish poseur equipment. Almost every free night there he was in and out of three bars chatting up all of his equally poseur crony scum friends. If someone came in and started pose-ing drinking shit water with nuts in it like in THE AUSTIN POWERS movie they would all be doing it in five minutes. If you have ever seen B&W footage of THE ANIMALS or other bands with their hair combed like The Beatles, how MORE STUPID they looked, well the martini glass talking freak was like this. He did some stupid poem one time about his dad in vietnam in the TET OFFENSIVE which he called "THE SHIT", hearing him going on and on glamourizing everything was almost DON KNOTTS. Like a kid dressed as cowboy BLACK BART. So now I buy jars of olives and keep them in my refrigerator door and eat them from the jar with a fork. I drink alone. Even when I go buy alcohol in the grocery store I pile groceries around it before I'll buy it so no one can see what I'm buying. I drink alone. Even the SUPER BOWL alcohol open drinkers are repulsive. Drinking like art at some point needs to become totally a private endeavor. Robert Crumb knows. Watch him rag on logo designer fashion clothes in that old film CRUMB. People need to listen to Robert Crumb."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.
Anti Soul Patch Advocate; 4:47 AM
Anonymous said...: "When I worked at a pizza restaurant I'd fetch the soggy plastic wrap covered anchovies still in the can of ooze from a week of maybe two pizzas with anchovy orders from the cooler. Usually it was some retired HANK HILL army guy ordering them on part of the pizza just to irritate the gals he wasn't scoring with he brought along just so he could order anchovies. Then he would eat that shit. If he was alone he wouldn't think of eating it. Good thing the oven was hot killing any bad bacteria. From this I'm haunted by anchovies. They have to be fresh. Never order them from an average pizza restaurant or you'll get some real funkified ones most likely."

TRUMAN BENTLEY JR.; 4:52 AM

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Saturday, March 19, 2011

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